I thought about writing a really long post and telling you all how occupied I’ve been the last couple of months, and how I lost track of the blog because things happened and my usual I’m-so-awesome-at-writing-and-scheduling-blog-posts self couldn’t cope. But, I decided why bother y’all with the details of all the catastrophes which kept me from you? All you need to know is that Chani and I did not have a falling out and kill each other. She’s alive and I’m alive.
And, I did not get divorced either.
I know right? I’m still wondering why it didn’t happen, (the divorced part, not the might-not-be-alive part) because the huz had plenty of reason all summer, but somehow, he just didn’t serve up those papers. Honestly, sometimes I think I married the patron saint of patience or something. Strange man.
Anyway, it’s not like I have been completely offline. I’ve been spending some time on social media, mostly Instagram and actually liking it. Such great visuals, and that way there aren’t many annoying words from sanctimommies, angry armchair activists, and internet heroes ala Facebook, know what I mean?
Ha! Facebook remains the bane of my online existence, but only because I can’t be bothered to delete half the people on my ‘Friends’ list. The last time I did, I received some inbox messages which were quite woeful.
“Wow, you always were a bitch.” They said. “Thanks for unfriending me… bitch.”
“I hadn’t seen you in 15 years.” I replied. “But, then you friend requested me and I accepted even though we weren’t really close in school. After that I never heard from you even when I sent you messages. But, then I’d sometimes see you would randomly Like one of my pictures from nine years ago. It made me feel like your eyes were all over my page and it was an eerie feeling ok? Like being watched through a window in the movie Scream. Do you remember how Drew Barrymore was alone in the house when that call came, and she was happily chatting with the caller, then got uncomfortable and was all like “Why do you want to know my name?” And, the psycho, murderous caller said “Because, I want to know who I’m looking at.” And, then Drew nearly peed her pretty pants with fear? Yeah, that’s how I feel sometimes on Facebook with all my silent friends who send out “I’m WATCHING YOU.” signals. So, I had to unfriend you, For my own sanity (and because I don’t want to end up like Drew.)”
“Yup. Still a bitch.” They said. “Always were, always will be. I hated you in school. I STILL hate you, BITCH.”
“Oh God, are you lurking outside my house waiting to stab me?” I asked.
And, got blocked.
So, I don’t feel up to unfriending people now, and they go on being their usual annoying selves, and I keep getting a headache about five minutes into viewing my newsfeed.
I do like some groups on there though, and we have a Deranged Writers Page which I thought of adding a discussion forum too for chats and stuff. If y’all are on FB then come visit us, annoying or not, it is still easier to post a quick note to Facebook and Twitter to keep in touch than it is to WordPress from my phone (I’m anal about formatting blog posts and need my computer for that.)
I hope you all had a wonderful summer, (tell me all about it in the comments) and are looking forward to the chilly months as much as I am. Fall is right around the corner, and I’m thrilled. Yes, I know all you cold climate people hate that, but think of
how stupid summer really is the pretty colors.
It’s good to be back. I have literally no plans for blog posts or anything like that, so most probably will be winging it for a while till I get on track. That of course means more inane posts like this one for a bit.
You’re allowed to criticize and throw tomatoes, but please don’t kill me.
See you all soon.
P.S. Don’t forget to tell me about your summer.