The other day I came across a post which I read and thought was satire. Being a big fan of the genre, I had a good chuckle and was ready to share it with my friends, when I stopped long enough and skimmed through the comments.
I realized then, that it wasn’t satire at all. The writer, who calls herself The Princeton Mom, was being completely serious.
The post was titled 5 Things You Can Do Right Now To Find A Husband In Your 20s, and the advice was so ridiculous, I decided to do a post on it myself. Then, I thought why not break it down and try to make some sense out of it? Review the whole thing?
So, here goes (excerpts from the post in italics, my thoughts below)
Should you be looking for your life partner as early as this? Yes. Yes. Emphatically, yes.
In case you didn’t know this: em·phat·i·cal·ly – adverb. Definition: In a forceful way, without doubt. VERY CLEARLY.
Here’s why: If you wait until you’re in your 30s (as in, “… I’m going to take the first 10 years out of college to build my career and then think about finding a husband and starting a family…”), you’ll be competing for the same men with women 10 years younger than you. That’s not a competition that you will fare well in.
Did you read that? When attempting to secure a husband, it is inevitably always a competition with another woman. Always. If it isn’t, then he is not, I repeat, (emphatically) NOT the man for you.
Women in their 20s are fresh, dewy, innocent and irresistible to men
It’s like a built-in magic man winning formula!
They have 10 more years of fertility than women in their 30s.
And, girls in their teens have 20 more years, so… child brides?
A man who has also taken 10 years after college to build his career, sow his wild oats,
and is now ready to settle down and start a family
Should he be thanked for this?
wants a bride who has a long fertility life ahead of her. At 35, your pregnancy is already considered high risk due to advanced maternal age.
There is bullshit, and then there is bullshit like this.
You are at your most beautiful and most desirable in your early 20s, and should use this time to your very best advantage.
Stop randomly to preen. The only advantage you have being, you will attract a potential husband with your dewiness.
How do you do it? The best time and the best way to meet your mate is while you are a student.
That is why you get a discounted bus pass.
On your college (or grad school) campus, you can meet and evaluate potential life partners in an organic way —
If anyone wants the book on the “non-organic way,” let me know.
in class, walking around campus, over a meal, participating in the marching band, writing for the school newspaper.
Please note, this is college. So, to hell with academics okay? Just find that husband.
You won’t understand until you are no longer a student (at which point it is too late) how rich an environment for husband-hunting your campus is,
University: Legalized husband-hunting grounds. It’s why your parents pay big money to send you.
but men on campus aren’t interested in marriage.
Oh no! Wait, you know what? Screw it! Hunt those bastards down anyway. Beat their asses into marital submission.
How do you overcome that? Easy: Don’t have sex with them.
Every single one of you reading, knew this was coming right?
There was a time before the sexual revolution, birth control pills and legal abortion when very young men were eager to be married as soon as they graduated from school. Why? Because that’s the only way they could have sex.
Was that like a man going to a whore house and paying for sex, only this way it became his house and he paid the bills?
The proliferation of hookups and casual sex has given men the thing that they want most, without commitment.
He wants only ONE THING and you MUST NOT LET HIM HAVE IT!!!!
Girls, you know that as soon as you have sex with him, the relationship changes — irrevocably.
See? Once it’s done, it’s done. You cannot change your mind and scream “UN-FUCK ME THIS INSTANT!!!”
At the risk of sounding old-fashioned, men won’t buy the cow if the milk is free.
At the risk of sounding like I think women are cows… Sell him the
This isn’t complicated game theory. If you offer men sex without commitment, you eliminate the incentive for men to commit.
Ah, I was right. She does mean sell it to them because it gives them incentive. But, use commitment as currency. Got it.
Again, tried and true wisdom suggests that you should save some magic for the honeymoon.
Virginity is magical, okay? What the hell do you think writers are trying to tell you in those steamy “first time” sex scenes? It is never painful, or awkward. Writers do not lie in their stories!
But, what if your school days are already behind you?
Here are some practical suggestions of where to find the love of your life:
STOP! There’s hope for 30 somethings. DON’T SWALLOW THOSE VALIUM YET!!
1. Connect with your alumni association, and participate in alumni events.
This ensures a pre-qualified group of men with whom you know you have at least one thing in common (you went to the same school). Chances are you share other commonalities as well.
Hit those reunions hard. Wear stilettos.
2. Go to church, synagogue, mosque — regularly!
…your house of worship has an in-house matchmaker.
Hello? God? Are you listening?
Let the cleric know that you would appreciate an introduction to other single members of the congregation.
Because, your cleric is actually an undercover pimp.
3. Take a class in something that allows for interaction with other students.
Not a lecture where everyone just sits and listens,
This cannot be reiterated enough. Learning is bullshit!
…a workshop in pottery, woodworking, acting, cooking — something where everyone creates together and there is break that allows for schmoozing and comparing work.
And, offering incentives of sex in exchange for commitment.
4. Get involved in community service.
You never know who you’ll meet… — and one of those seniors may have a very cute grandson who comes to visit.
I am TOTALLY stealing this idea for a story! Thirty something, jaded and not so dewy volunteer worker at retirement home, meets cute sowed-all-his-wild-oats grandson of a resident. She falls for him, but has to compete with a twenty something dewy blonde who withholds sex. Romance is in the air, but will they or won’t they connect over bowls of green jello and re-runs of The Golden Girls?
5. Tell everyone you know and trust that you would appreciate their introducing you to any single men they know that may be good for you.
Turn em all into your personal pimps. Make out a monthly newsletter. Keep them in the game!
Women still want handsome men who will adore them, respect them and are successful enough to provide for their future family. Men still want beautiful women who will adore them, respect them and will be good wives and mothers to their future family.
Average and below average people need to die right now. There is no place for you in Utopia.
It seems that what has changed is instant intimacy. It’s not good for women. It should be a very slow dance to the bedroom
And, that is basically the bottom line of this post. The rest was all fancy stuff and an eyewash. The real message is this:
Don’t have sex before marriage, don’t just “give it away” and be a “slut.” You are better than that, you’re a woman for crying out loud. Keep those legs crossed until it is worth your while.
I will not call it “slut shamming” because personally I don’t like that word used on women, or see anything wrong with a woman who is comfortable in her sexuality and confident enough to “sow her wild oats” without any guilt placed on her by society/bullshit from writers like the one who wrote that post.
Women like her need to realize that advising and encouraging girls/women to “withhold sex” till they’re able to secure a commitment and/or marriage from a man is no different from prostitutes conducting business with clients. It’s common knowledge that they they first take payment and then have sex with the man.
This woman has just told every girl to do that, but without the honesty those working women put into the barter.
The original post by The Princeton Mom can be found here.