Note: Soon after Episode One of Pillow Talk, it was suggested to the author that the characters “Him” and “Her” needed to be named. However, after not much thought at all, the author (who has no idea why she keeps referring to herself in the third person) lost all patience in “finding the perfect names” and turned to her best friendly fellow writer for suggestions. A name for “Him” was shot back instantly. The name for “Her” took a little more tongue-in-cheek back and forth, but that lasted exactly 31 seconds.
So, welcome to the slightly
improved revised Pillow Talk, featuring the same two pro-an-tagonists, hereby christened Duke and Missy.
It is a peaceful summer-like evening in the middle of… summer. It is dinner time, and Missy and Duke are out at a fast food place with their recently mutated pair of goldfish – sharing hot dogs, burgers and southern fried chicken between them.
Since the goldfish are too busy eating and discussing a multitude of subjects far too advanced for adult contribution, or interference, some pillow talk eventually ensues across the table between Missy and Duke.
Duke: If I say something in a normal voice right now, and keep a perfectly straight face when I say it, would you be offended by what I say?
Missy: That depends. Is what you say going to be offensive?
Duke: I don’t think it is.
Missy: What is it then?
Duke: I’d like to have a bite of your breast.
Missy: Yes. Also, that’s a distasteful thing to say in present company, also, completely inappropriate. Also, you’re annoying.
Duke: You asked me to say it.
Missy: Annoying. Did you not notice the female adolescent goldfish sitting next to me? Or the male one sitting next to you? What if they’d heard you? What of their innocence? Why must I have so much tragedy in my dinner experience when all you really want is southern fried chicken?
Duke: Alright. It was wrong. Let me rephrase that. May I have a bite of your chicken breast, please?
Missy: Sure. Would you also like some of this hotdog?
Duke: No thanks.
Missy: Wait a sec. Are you surrrrre you don’t want a bite of this more-than-six-inch delicious wiener?
Duke: I’m su… Seriously? So, it’s perfectly fine when you…
Missy: Look at your face, you’re dying to laugh. I know you are.
Duke: In your dreams.
Missy: Is that why you’re trying so hard not to smile?
Duke: I’m not trying not to smile.
Missy: Right, because you’re really smiling now. Oh my God, you are actually smiling at my killer comeback! I never thought this day would come.
Duke: Fine, so the day has come. I’m smiling.
Missy: I gotcha. I should gloat, I should go “eeeeee” but I won’t. Would you like a bit of bird?
Duke: Sure, go ahead. Flip me the bird. You know you want to.
Missy: Of course I will flip you the flippin bird. You thought I’d let it go at wiener?
Duke: Your love for hammering in the last nail in a coffin is genuinely terrifying.
Missy: That shouldn’t surprise you. Have you never noticed how most of our conversations either end with me saying “Checkmate” or you saying “Touché?”
Duke: I do not say Touché.
Missy: But, you think it.
Duke: No, I don’t.
Missy: You totally do.
Duke: You imagine I’m thinking it.
Me: Okay. So, what are you thinking right now?
Missy: Exactly. So, checkmate.
©Anne J. Dias – 2014