What are the top ten pieces of advice you would give a 20 something girl?
The above question was put to me recently (and, as you’ve probably guessed,) by a bunch of 20 something females who obviously thought I was around 75 years old or something. I have to say it almost caused me a moment of panic, because out of nowhere a voice began screaming in my head:
“THE ANTI-WRINKLE EYE CREAM FOR THIRTY SOMETHINGS IS NOT WORKING!”
However, since I was on my third (and pretty lethal) margarita (one part margarita mix, three parts tequila, some crushed ice – in case you were wondering,) I was able to ignore the voice, and I turned my attention to this group of three lovely girls. They were looking at me in a way my dog used to when he spotted me going into the kitchen, and it broke my heart.
Also, I thought, they were sweet to think I was guru enough to have a top ten list for them ready in my head. Margaritas and flattery can be pretty cool. At least they weren’t expecting me to ‘put out’ in other ways because they had subtly suggested I was awesome.
But, a party is no time to have deep and meaningful conversations about life. It is also not a time to dole out advice unless the advice is alcohol related.
So, that brings me to my top ten list, which of course I did not share with those girls at the party, but told them to drop by here to read because I would be sharing it with you even when you didn’t ask me to.
My Top Ten Pieces of Advice to 20 Something (Single) Females
10. Have Fun
First of all, when you are at a party, do not ask older women for advice on love, life, your recent breakup issues, etc. Seriously! You are at a party, there is music, there are drinks, and most importantly, there are PEOPLE there. Talk, mingle, dance, have fun, exchange phone numbers with a few someones you think are hot, make a lunch date, ENJOY YOURSELF. Save your “Oh what is to become of my life without advice?” girly talks for Girl’s night in sob fests featuring ice-cream.
9. Don’t Hold Back
You are not defined by your words, but your actions (that is pretty much also a lesson for life in general), and the time for that is now. There is no better time to act than when you are in your twenties. The world is literally right there waiting for you to just get on with it, do your thing, do countless things. Stop saying “I want to,” and actually do it. Worrying, wondering, analyzing, well… you’ll be older one day and thinking all that crap much more than you’d like to, so don’t stress too much on it now.
8. Changing Your Mind is Not a Sin
It is okay to do this. It is okay to do this often. You are young, and there is no hard and fast rule that once you decide on something you have to see it through to the end even if it makes you miserable. If you want to switch careers, do it, if you want to end a relationship, end it, if you want to move back home because you need to re-coup before you get back out there, that’s fine. But, try and understand why you’re doing it, and try harder to make the new decision you make, work.
7. Mistakes are Par for the Course
Make them, learn from them, make them again in a moment of weakness. Cry, gnash your teeth at your impulsive, wasteful self, then make another mistake, wait another year and make several more in quick succession. Fall, tumble, break a bone. Mistakes are a very important nutrient.
6. Your Parents are not Old-Fashioned, Misinformed Idiots
So, you’re on a different wavelength from them. You consider yourself more educated than that entire generation and their uncle, more aware of the world. You can simultaneously Whatsapp and Viber while your mom and dad embarrassingly think Facebook IS the internet. But, it is not poor you having to deal with their stone age opinions and advice about your life.
Really, they are mostly coming from a place of wisdom despite the annoying way they have of showing it. They did not raise you and your siblings without any problems of their own, any obstacles. You and your siblings were not all just perfect precious angels sent down directly from the heavens to give some poor couple endless joy. Raising you was not like rolling in a bed of roses with no thorns and just lots of candy floss, okay?
Your parents loved, lived, ARE STILL LIVING even if you think they’re half dead anyway and are all like what do they know about anything!?! They have struggled, wept, bled, made mistakes, and you know what else? They’re still struggling, because they still have to deal with your annoying life problems sometimes, or worry endlessly about your soul.
Parents know shit! There is usually a nugget worth its weight in gold whenever your parent speaks to you about your life. Trust me when I say this. Listen for it.
5. You Can Fall in Love More Than Once in This Lifetime
Shocker right? Well, it’s true. Heartbreak happens, sometimes you’ll have yours broken, sometimes it’s the other way around, and sometimes love just doesn’t equal compatibility no matter how hard you try. But, it doesn’t all end there for you, you do not need to crawl into a hole and die, neither do your chances end, and nor should your hopes be vanquished.
4. Enjoy Dating
It’s fun to get to know people, like them enough to get to know them some more, find out what you have in common with them and all that. As long as you know that every person you date is not going to end up saying “I do” to you, and neither are they required to. It’s really not about “kissing a lot of frogs before you meet your prince” and all that bullshit. It’s about learning more how you relate to different kinds of people, situations, finding out what you like or don’t like, want in a relationship or don’t want. Don’t rob yourself of those chances to get to know what’s inside you.
3. Your Sexuality Belongs to You
And, who you choose to share it with, and how, is your business. If you want to wait for that special someone, your business, if you want to be adventurous with more than one partner, also your business. Either way is fine, but for both be smart, be safe, and be sure it’s what you want to do, not what’s expected of you.
2. The World Does Not Owe You
Seriously. It doesn’t owe you shit, so if you’re expecting it to keep dropping favours in your lap, stop now. And, stop blaming the world for not giving you a break. It doesn’t need to give you a break, it wasn’t exactly designed to give you any breaks, and it isn’t there to serve your personal desires. If something in your life is messed up, first ask yourself what you did to mess it up, then look outward. Most times you probably won’t have to, most times it’s not her fault or his fault or this interference or that blah blah blah. It’s your choices (and no, no one was holding a gun to your head), so accept that, own your shit and move on. You want something, then go out and work to get it just like everyone else does.
1. Attitude is Everything
Bad things are going to happen to you, and even good things. And, in your own way you’re going to chalk those up as experiences which is fine. But, the one thing I can say about those experiences is this: They will not be the only ones you have, and keeping the bad ones in the forefront constantly will stop you from having more and possibly richer experiences in your life.
Those experiences may be valuable to you someday, but not always, and you most likely won’t even consider them to be major experiences in about ten years from now. So, don’t waste too much time over them, or too much energy being upset or pissed off that they happened. – They did, nothing can change that, and you whining over it won’t win you more than temporary sympathy.
Be positive, smile, put your best foot forward during the start of your journey into true adulthood, and embrace one of the best decades you will ever have. Believe me, you will never regret it if you do.
Thank you for dropping by the blog. Hope you all are doing well, and I hope to see you again soon.