So many pies. So little time to sample them all.
I mean all of you.
But, you already knew that didn’t you, my delectable hearts?
Yes, it’s me again. In the word, if not the flesh. Most of you know me as AFR, or That Sexy Bastard.
I wrestled posting rights away from Anne today, and when that happened there was skin touching a plenty which made me feel all kinds of good. But, then her husband came around clutching bouquets, humming God awful love songs, and assaulting her ears with his tongue. So, she left me alone.
She’s easy like that.
Hence, I was just sitting around planning what to do on here, while nursing my fourth drink… I mean, my bruised heart, and decided to write you all a love note.
Or would you prefer it be a hot lustful letter, my sweet little gumdrops?
Are you blushing?
No? Aww, come on over here and give me some lovin’ anyway. You remember how good that feels right?
It’s been a while since I’ve been out in the open, and just yesterday while I reminisced about the good old days with my old friend Jack, and that pedophile dog I’ve hung out with since boarding school, we all reached a conclusion.
It is high time some real men took the floor at this place.
I know, I know. I’ve been reading and catching up on stuff. A lot of new men going on. There are suave business magnets gunning around this blog these days. Not to mention dapper luxury car driving dudes, and machete wielding jungle studs playing porch footsie with stunning blondes.
And, she is stunning isn’t she? I see her flitting around here (in Anne’s head) sometimes. The girl likes trouble it seems. That makes her golden!
Screw toying with the bra strap I say… And, damned if I wouldn’t break the steps of that porch with her…
After, I rock the expensive Valentino off that sexy interview conducting chick, naturally. – Sweet and feisty = Delish.
Wait. What did you say? I really want them both together?
Hmm. Let me think… Peaches and cream in daddy’s king sized bed?
Maybe I’ll invite that luscious European Lamb to join in… sans her orghini of course. No need for that. I’d warm her up way better than her Reventon ever could.
But, enough about desserts.
As you all probably know, for the last few months Anne’s been taking me out to play about once every week or so. She calls it “work” but she’s not fooling anyone. I mean this is me we’re talking about. All work and no play makes Jack…
Hold on a sec. Time for a refill.
Anyway, I know it’s not actually work like she says. She really just has a thing for my…
Ahem. Insert Character/Writer confidentiality, and we’re moving on…
She’s been toiling away at her laptop and a zillion notebooks with different coloured sticky notes pasted on their pages. And, she’s doing this with some weird misconception that I can be perfected of all things.
I know. I rolled my eyes too.
Then I winked and asked her to join me for a drink. She smacked my ass. – It stung. But, it was surprisingly pleasurable nonetheless.
No, it’s not my ass she has a “thing” for.
Everytime she brings me out, she’ll get all serious, glarey and occasionally, pissed off.
“What’s in your head, you son of a sadistic fucker?” She keeps muttering under her breath.
The first time she said that, I was so pleased I performed a slow strip tease just for her. But, after she furiously bitch slapped me (repeatedly, might I add) I realized she didn’t mean my down there head, but the up where my eyes are head.
Who would have thought?
My friend, (the child molesting freak, not Jack) witnessed the spectacle and laughed his ass off at the misunderstanding (but he might have been trying to cover up how turned on he was by my stripping). So, anyway, I was upset so I went to see my therapist who said I tend to think that way because I wasn’t hugged enough as a kid.
Daddy issues. – But, we all know it’s really because Tina Verma literally worshipped my down there business so much when I was a teen, and it sort of became a habit to think its a given women mean that.
Ahh Tina! She was something. I would have attended another inter-course with her that week, but she’d already been at it with my brother by then. During my teens I wasn’t into his women.
Of course, it’s common knowledge I got inside them much later… But, never mind that.- Bygones etc.
Alright, so back to the business of “perfecting” me. I’m done trying to talk my creator aka spiced latte out of it. For now, I plan to go along with her and even help her out as much as I can. – I’m such a precious gemstone.
There have been whispers that someone “important” is going to most likely be reading me. She’s been hugging that little tidbit close to her chest for a while, and also staring dreamily off into space whenever she thinks no one’s looking.
It’s exciting her. I can tell.
But, I have that effect on women, so…
The writing part sometimes makes her pissy. Which in turn makes her yell all kinds of nasty things at me to make me behave myself.
It is truly tragic.
Thankfully, my level headed best friend (the prepubescent girl loving jerk) pops up from time to time to remind her that my misbehaviour is what she should write. – Then, she nods, pats me fondly on my head (the up there one sadly), croons in my ear that I’m her favouritest bastard, and gets to writing.
After that it’s usually only fun times. With a dash of Tyler and a shot of Jack of course. We laugh a lot together the two of us. It’s kind of “our” thing.
Enough of that though. I have to leave soon. – It’s been a real pleasure. Seeing you frosted cupcakes again was as appetizing as champagne and strawberries on a hot summer’s night with Swedish twins. I should drop by here more often I think…
If you’ll have me… Or let me have you? Yes? – Yummy.
I hope you all are having a sensual and thrilling Valentine’s day. If you aren’t… call me. But for now, I have a hot date waiting.
OK so she’s not really waiting. – I made that up.
And, it’s not really a date. Made that up too.
Let’s call it a run in, shall we? Yeah, I like that. More my thing. I’ll just happen to be there, and just happen to run into her and all her hotness.
I wasn’t lying about that by the way. She is hot, and my all time favourite kind too.
And, velvety. Mmmm *snicker*
Till we meet again…