Celebrations, Chani

VINTAGE WIFE (PART TWO)

When Anne pinged me at work and shouted YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!  immediately clicked on the link and scanned it till the end, my disbelief mounting with each word and I went back to the chat and asked her ” is this for real?”

Well it appears it is real. So here goes…

DEMERITS

1. Slow in coming to bed. – Delays till husband is nearly asleep.

What if you go to bed early? Yipes!

One point for turning my husband into a masturbating monkey.

P.S Who said you have to have sex only in the night?!!

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2. Doesn’t like children. (5)

Jez.. define like? Like to have them? Likes to make cute faces at toddlers. Runs away from terrible two’s. Quickly hands them back to parents if they start wailing. Define like?

What the hell does this mean… seriously 5 points for not liking children???

I am somewhere in the middle… I love children of a certain age and avoid some altogether or till they outgrow those. Never occurred to me there was something wrong with this. I don’t HAVE to like them. We don’t like all kinds of people , do we HAVE to like all types of children?

There points? Oh what the hell.

3. Fails to sew on buttons and darn socks regularly

Ok i admit i have sewn a button once in a while if it’s a favourite shirt ( sometimes his sometimes mine) and never darned a sock.  If it has holes they are thrown or worn with holes depending on the economic outlook for the month.

I’ll take that point.

4. Wears soiled or ragged dresses and aprons around the house.

I have never owned a frigging apron and although my clothes are not soiled i like to wear ragged clothes which are threadbare because it’s  comfortable.

One point. Sigh

Wait is this a relative question what if the husband dresses in the same beggar- esque fashion?

Note to self : cross check the Demerit section for men.

5. Wears red nail polish.

Constantly and i love a deep red lip as well.

ONE POINT!!! This one i will gladly take with a scarlet letter nailed to my chest. Lilly liver’ed ass holes!

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6. Often late for appointments. (5)

Never. I am always early.

Bite me!

7. Seams in hose often crooked.

I actually didn’t know what the hell this was and it was only after i checked Anne’s i found out what this was.

Never worn a pantyhose for it to be crooked but i have worn my panties inside out and was pointed out by the husband.

Ouch. One point.

8. Goes to bed with curlers on her hair, and much face cream.

Jez ok maybe this is not relevant today  but I just don’t know what to say. They expect the woman to be barbie when she woke up with her hair in place by 6 am.. when the hell did they expect her to do her hair and make up. Of course she has to put the curlers on and put face cream.

She does not have to be open for sex all the frigging time ( points to question one).. she is not 7/11 for chrissake!

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9. Puts her cold feet on husband’s at night to warm them.

And I sometimes force him to rub them.

One point.

10. Is a backseat driver.

I will give directions and cuss and scream as i please thank you.

One point.

11. Flirts with other men at parties or in restaurants. (5)

This question and liking the children one gets five points??? WTF! In this sophisticated instrument of mass female suppression this idiot equates flirting with other men the same as not liking children?

I don’t flirt and i refuse to take points for this on the grounds of stupidity of the quizzer.

12. Is suspicious and jealous.

Oh not at all.. i give a set of sexy lingerie to every woman who decides to throw themselves at my husband so they can go into my bedroom and throw some more.

Total = 10 points

MERITS

1. A good hostess, even to unexpected guests.

Just one point for putting up with leeches who has come to drain my weekend way. Wow.

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2. Has meals on time.

I have my meals when i am hungry and they are ready when i am hungry and re heated if ‘other people’ are not hungry at the same time.

One point.

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3. Can carry on an interesting conversation.

Hell yes and it’s not my frigging problem if most men are too dumb to understand me.

4. Can play a musical instrument, such as piano, violin etc.

I can play the bongo drums after i am completely sloshed.

5. Dresses for breakfast.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. This is a joke right?? Dresses for breakfast? What she can’t go with curlers and cream to bed and on top of this she has to wake up have a bath, fix her hair and face, put on a ball gown and serve you breakfast?

I am not getting any merit points in this damn quiz, might as well kill myself.

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6. Neat housekeeper. Tidy and clean.

I have an all white living room FFS. Give me my damn point.

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7. Personally puts children to bed.

What if you don’t have children? Does Teddy bears count?. I am taking the point. This is discrimination and my bears can vouch for me.

8. Never goes to bed angry. Always makes up first. (5)

Five points for this… even if he is the jackass who started it. You can keep your damn points George!

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9. Asks husband’s opinion regarding important decisions and purchases.

Like what?

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10. Good sense of humour. Jolly and gay. 

Damn right.

11. Religious. Sends children to church or Sunday school and goes herself. (10)

Ten points!! i am surprised they didn’t burn the women who didn’t do this on a stake. Ten points seriously?!?

I am more spiritual than religious and i go when i feel like it.

12. Let’s husband sleep late on Sundays and holidays.

Never. I wake him up to go get breakfast for me. Sunday is my off day. I need a rest dammit.

zero points

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I am actually terrified to total up this section…

Total = 6 points

Demerit ( 10) – Merit( 6) =  Demerit (4)

I AM A BAD BAD WIFE! I  AM WORSE THAN A FAILURE, I SHOULD CURL UP AND DIE. 

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As per this if you don’t have children ( some of the heavy point questions)  and is not religious you are basically screwed. As much as i would like to laugh about this it’s still prevalent today. We may not measure the same way but the opinion of what makes a good wife and mother are still very similar. No matter what role you have to play be it breadwinner, home maker, career woman, super mom.. there is a label waiting to pin itself on you and judge you.

Next up is the husband’s quiz.. giddy up George!!!

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18 thoughts on “VINTAGE WIFE (PART TWO)”

  1. I was waiting for this one. No doute the quiz was shitty but the pictures you guys have searched and put in are ridiculous too 🙂

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  2. I sent the detailed to my married friends(some have babies)..everyone came into a same conclusion after taking the quiz.. I intentionally made these craps to prove that how happy I am being unmarried…

    PS: All of them are ‘BAD WIVES’..

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  3. I so making all the gal pals I know take this, maybe even few guy friends, lets give them some shock value!! One thing for sure, as much as I heart the vintage couture I would have never passed the “wife test” .
    Very funny, Chani, thanks for this awesome laugh!

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  4. Hilarious .

    This was one weird test ! Yet its giving us so hilarious reads , so no complaints ! 😀

    It had a LOL effect ! Waiting eagerly for the next parts ! 🙂

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  5. When Anne posted this quiz with her answers – I was like really? what kind of a quiz is this? what stupid questions! However, I enjoyed Anne’s answers and really wondered about it and then I googled it. Later in the chat group, I found many interesting responses. I was thinking and even shared the brief of this quiz and about Anne’s post to a married friend and what she said was exactly what you wrote Chani —-“We may not measure the same way but the opinion of what makes a good wife and mother are still very similar. No matter what role you have to play be it breadwinner, home maker, career woman, super mom.. there is a label waiting to pin itself on you and judge you”. She spoke about her life as a wife, as a student, as a mother and she admitted if she took take such a quiz then she will end up with a big zero, a failure as a wife. It’s hard to please everyone and even if you try damn try people still find faults.

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  6. funny but complete nonsense………… there is no way you can measure a “good wife” It is sad to see the questions which are complete nonsense but used as tool to measure a wife…….. Bad George very bad!!

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  7. Hilarious…thank you for the awesome laugh!!
    Shared this with a lot of my friends…combined opinion was…”is this for real??!!”

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  8. You’re so right there, Chani. These sentiments are very much alive today. And many of them, unfortunately, are what women themselves think.
    “She’s not married? Why?” “No kids? Must be a typical career woman not wanting to disrupt her climb to the top” “Oh don’t you want to work and make lots of money? Have a career? How could you just want to stop working after marriage?” and so on.

    Religion is a topic I don’t even want to get into. To me, the number of times I pray or go to the temple or light a lamp are not important. To me religion is how I live my life — with empathy, integrity, and humility, and how I teach my children to do the same.

    And no matter what you do, there are always naysayers, people who judge you for what you are and are not.
    To them I often say, to hell with you. I may not cook and bake and keep a spotlessly clean house, I may not earn a five-figure salary, but to my family I am the center of their existence. To my friends, I am an important part of their lives. If I can bring a smile to their faces with small (and big) gestures, that’s all I care about.

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  9. lol well my dad has to make the breakfast tea since we were children as both of them were working and mom needed her PETROL before functioning and it was kind of custom in family so yeah my mum would have sucked in many ways but abt tht religious part so it was my mom who arranged a molvi sahib for us to learn Quran so she would have gotten full points as for me I have no idea but I will never go to bed in good mood ALWAYS thts what m sure of but these tests gave me a good laugh

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