Booty Call

blackboots

Hello, my name is Anne, and I am a boot addict.

I indulge in the purchase of, and general drooling over gorgeous pairs of boots. Often. It is not a guilty pleasure, since I feel no guilt when I purchase and/or drool over gorgeous pairs of boots. – I feel only pleasure.

So, it’s a pleasure, pleasure.

Guilt is a pathetic emotion which should be reserved for when you forget to pick your kids up from a play date.

Or grandma’s house.

Or school.

I have done none of the above.

OK, so maybe I conveniently forgot them at grandma’s house once, because I was out doing errands and paused long enough in a shoe store, and began to drool.

Over an awesome pair of boots!

suedewedge

And, forgot I had kids. And, forgot to pick up my kids.

I apologized to the sales people at the store, and told them I wasn’t there to make a purchase. They smiled at me with forced politeness. – I went on to explain that I had forgotten all about my kids so couldn’t stop long enough to buy the absolutely beautiful pair of boots in their store. – They stared at me in horror and disgust. – I assured them I would be back, and soon, to buy the boots and maybe another pair as well, and that I would bring the kids along too. – They looked at me with a hell of a lot less judgement then.

So, I told them I had seven kids under the age of nine from my former husband, with one more on the way from my present husband, and then I left.

The following morning I wrote a post about it for this blog called Deranged Writers or something like that, and hoped I would not (again) be judged and labelled a terrible mom by any new readers who didn’t yet know me. Old readers don’t count since they’ve always tended to judge me well (under the threat of their favourite characters in my stories possibly dying in horrific circumstances.)

Although, I’m really quite OK if people judge me as a mother. Over the years my parenting style has brought on those labels quite often. Which I tend to take in my gorgeous boot wearing stride. I also have pretty thick skin.

And, stretch marks over my belly skin which sort of form the words

‘This grew twins! So, bite me, bitches!’

I flash haters with that from time to time. Having the twin card to play is a benefit.

Having lots of pairs of boots is…

when-harry-met-sally-0710-deI’ve always believed Meg really hit her own G-spot in this scene.

For us coastal people owning more than one pair of boots is about as fun as trying to teach your cat to count in Latin. It’s such a killjoy to have all that lovely leather and suede just sitting there in the closet unworn, because that bitch, Summer just won’t end.

We get about two months of winter in a good year, and it’s really not enough for us addicts. There are too many boots to wear and prance around in and too little cold time.

wedge-boots

But, winter came early this year!

The temperature has been dropping to below 18 degrees Celsius since November began, which is rare. (Would you just listen to all those cold city people snorting at an 18 degree thermostat reading for November? Yes, yes, we know that’s like your average summer, Popsicle noses. Now shush, and allow us burnt toast bits some fun!)

It’s going to get colder, and that means buying more boots, getting to wear most of my boot collection.- Even at home!!! And, for no reason but because I can!!!

Judge all ye want. I said I was an addict.

And, everytime I have a boot encounter this winter, you might get to hear about it.

I’m kidding.

Not.

xoxo

Anne

Advertisements

29 thoughts on “Booty Call

  1. Who does not lust on good pair of shoes Anne…I for sure do…
    I am totally with you that you can forget almost anything…even to pick up your own kids when shopping for shoes..hmmmm I guess shopping for anything clothes, shoes…:) now, don’t judge me..okay…

    Like

  2. Heheh Anne ur so right I and my sister are crazy when it comes to shoes and especially boots. We sisters have almost same pair of shoes even same colour in our closet, we buy atleast two pair. Each winter n when there is sale before summer collection is in we buy again.

    I know I am crazy n so is my sister, it has come to a point that our husband end up buying for us even more when they go for business trips abroad.

    And the we only gift each other shoes for our birthday, insit that just too much. But what can I say I love shoes n yes am an addict.

    Like

  3. I have a lot to catch up with on DW, and I missed (and can’t wait to catch up on) your posts!

    I’m going to judge you on one part. If you were already late for picking up the kids from G-Mama, another…5 minutes at the most? For the PAYMENT for the boots aapka kiya bigaar leta?!?! Go, go, go buy them! I am loving this boots season, too! Double snort at 18 degrees C.

    I will bribe you with a pair of boots of your choice, for Christmas, in return for an Anne-style male fictional character. With pages of good dialogue. Doesn’t have to be a story. Think about it. *dangles boots in front of you*

    🙂

    Like

  4. Shoes are a woman’s best friend…. says me!
    I just want shoes as gifts from anyone and everyone.
    My mother always asks me ‘ Ab koun sa jouta chahiye ‘ ( whenever she is coming to Pakistan).
    I guess most of us are shoe addicts

    Like

  5. Ha ha ha…hilarious..specially the parts which you struck out.. :D..Fetish for shoes is the most common thing in women i think..And every time we go for a new pair we are assured to get weird glances from our parents or spouses(as if they are telling us ..you are going to wear only one pair at a time anyways).. ;)..But who cares..And boots are something i am greedy about too like everyone else..So Winters..You are Most Welcome 🙂 ..Loved the post..too good.. 🙂

    Like

  6. I m judging not u but ur feet coz thts what I do! I love beautiful shoes n WAS addict too since childhood but as I grow up my feets did the same in double speed result I can’t buy those delicate pair of shoes on which I was drooling from past half an hr. Shopkeeper’s reply “baji apkay size ka nai hai” n after encountering several these type of incident I know no more have tht addiction or at least I pretend so coz frankly acting the other way around hurts n it hurts badly. So now whenever I see those tiny tiny feet of my sisters or czns or frnds or any girl I envy them. so thts my shoe-wrenching story but Anne ur way of telling it was so hilarious.
    love u
    hugs

    Like

  7. Oh man! you are crazy as me for boots..Even I drool over lovely pair of shoes/boots/bellies/wedges/gladiators etc etc Well, since I don’t have kids, I haven’t forgotten them but had missed the train many times 🙂 Waiting to hear more of your Boot experiences …

    Like

  8. That was dirty- the heading ofcourse!

    As I picked my jaws from the floor, I readjusted and totally give you the Judgement free card. Boots are meant to be lusted. I am so glad , I live in a part of this world, where summer is as rare as it gets and I get to splurge on those crazy boots. Yes, even with my tiny tot feet!

    Comeon now, all sins will be forgiven , go buy that booty and do some serious twist.

    I love the mom -you!

    Heart my lady!

    Hugs and love!

    Like

  9. Ahahahaa ALLLOOOWWWWWW YOU.
    This is my current University boots collection- the essentials, shall we say. The rest are at home. And yes, of course there are more. Other shoes I can give or take but BOOTS…

    Like

  10. I see you meant “Booty Call”, more or less literally … Ha! I think Mom’s forgotten much more ‘by accidentally’, like coming home till 10, or cooking, or waking up at all, but we’re pests, so no judgment … we KNOW how ‘sweet’ we can be as kids …

    No comment on the shopping, though, since God knows, I have to be dragged in to a store kicking and screaming for my life, and thrashing wildly in hope of a lifesaver … except bookstores. They beckon, majestically. They glitter, and twinkle, and shine, They whisper seductively …

    *sighs and drifts off*

    Like

    1. Me neither, Munch. But now I understand why my daughter looks at me accusingly when we go shoe shopping. She’d be a complete boot addict too, mother and pocket money permitting!!

      Anne…does forgetting to feed your kid because you’re too busy gossiping with family fall under the category of “bad mom”? 🙂 🙂 My cousins won’t ever let me forget, the bloody swines. Am waiting for them to become parents.

      Like

  11. ROFL…soul sister! I feel you. I live in sunny California and it does not rain and yet come september, the stores start stocking the boots and I start drooling. Wearing the boots make me feel beautiful as no other beauty aid does. It’s an added bonus that the minute the husband sees me. In my boots, he shrieks…the hunter wali is here….lol.

    Like

  12. Ahh … Boots … wish I could wear them …
    But I would love to meet a woman who doesn’t own a collection of shoes …
    There’s something about women and shoes … 😉

    Like

  13. Hahaha you are hilarious. Yes we popsicles do hope that you warm toasts get to wear boots this year. My God, all I am wearing is boots these days, its so freaking cold. And you’re right, nothing beats your warm cozy feet with beautiful beautiful boots.

    Like

  14. i think we all love shoes I’m waiting for the sales and now want to buy some more of reading ur post, my husband is not going to be happy spending some more money on me and I blame this post lillll

    Like

  15. I always havevthis question with people for such fetishes, have you factored in the space needed for this never ending obsession? I am an architect & interior designer so….

    Like

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s