Sex

No, I did not have sex at eight in the morning today. Get your minds out of the gutter.

This should really have been a chapter update for ‘Desconocido,’ and not a ramble, right?

But, I needed a distraction, because for the last few days I was furiously battling with the voices in my head and trying not to play favorites with them.

In case you were wondering, I’m writing three stories at present. Don’t ask why I indulge in such insanity.

You must never, ever ask me why.

And because of that (the stories, not the insanity) all the characters in each one of those tales are pain in the ass, attention seeking whores who want to be written.

So, I left them to battle it out on their own in a free-for-all fight with weapons of their choice and no rules to follow. Not that any of them follow rules except their own.

Unfortunately the characters in ‘Desconocido’ didn’t win first place. But, that sometimes happens to fresh meat new characters in new stories.

They’re not fully seasoned you see.

If you’re shifting about on your seat right now thinking “WTF is she talking about? Who talks to her and has she seen a shrink yet?” – Then all I can say is that every character is like a real person in my head. With real voices.

But, because I write them out and make them have sex with each other, it can’t be called schizophrenia.

And speaking of sex. Don’t you just hate it when sex scenes are crappy in stories?

I’ve written a lot of sex scenes. Some good, some bad, some which later made me go ‘WTF was THAT?’ etc. But one thing I’ve come to realize is that word usage in sex scenes is limited. And I hate that.

There are your usual words like hot, wet, hard, soft, fast, moan, suck, stroke, lick, fuck, and so on.

Also, there are words which while I’m reading I notice are either over-used to death, some which are just tossed in for the sake of description, and some which are downright wrong and laugh/cringe worthy.

Overdone and/or dressed up for nothing descriptions in sex scenes can become one big mess and the scene starts to resemble vomit. When I’m reading, it drives me to distraction.

Let me show you how.

He dipped his iron-shaft into her intoxicating honey-pot.

Tony Stark meets Winnie the Pooh’s twin sister.

The nectar of her core was as sweet as the juice of a grape.

Oh purpley, purple prose! I’m betting she ate six bowls of grapes before he tasted her. Otherwise, she’d taste different. And when you say “core” I think “apples.”

He jammed his member into her with repeated force and the bed rattled. Her walls closed around him and she screamed with pleasure.

And her ovaries flew out of her mouth. His member was happy albeit a bit soft now. And I just felt claustrophobic with all those closing in walls.

Her perky breasts were perfect and he stared in speechless wonder.

Perky is not perfect. Perfect is perfect. Perky is perky, and not all breasts are perky. Also, not all breasts are perfect. Men deal with that fact better than we do.

His penis.

Good lord! If there was ever something named with absolutely no thought in mind. It was the penis.

She mewled.

Just like a starving little pussy wanting a saucer of cream.

He enjoyed a mouthful of her sensitive neck.

Necks are a delicacy. And a substitute for mouthwash.

He took her all night, brutally.

First he took her to the park, then he took her to a movie, after that he took her shopping. It was tiring.

And brutal.

Let me clarify here that I have at some point ventured into the mad world of metaphors when writing out a sex scene. (I was barely out of the gates of my mental writing convent then).

Once I even described the entire sex act as a storm.

I don’t know what I had against storms at the time… Or words. But it happened and I’ve never forgiven myself.

What I’ve learned though is that if you’re not comfortable with sex, or presenting it in written form, it’s nearly impossible to write it. But, if you push ahead anyway (pun intended) and write it while you’re squirming with shame/guilt/your last 50 Shades of Shit never-to-be-read-again memory on the inside. Then you can be sure it will show itself in the scene more than the sex itself. Very clearly.

A lot of people are uncomfortable with sex, or even the idea of it. Hell, most of us come from nations devoted to only telling us how wrong and sinful the very thought of anything physical is. It can make the best of us squirm in dismay if we come across it. And, writers fall into that category too. They’re not exempt from discomfort because they clack out words to a story with sex in it.

Some writers will hide behind purple prose and dress up that sex scene with so much mushy detail, it’ll make your head spin (like me when I penned the hurricane of raging thundering passion).

Humans are more inclined to hide behind silken veils than they dare to show themselves as mortals with needs. Another lesson drilled into us from the squirmy societies we belong to. Dress it up, but don’t strip it off. If you do, then you’re a disgraceful slut.

Some writers will approach sex scenes in a more businesslike manner, and at the end of the scene you’ll feel as if you just finished reading an instruction manual from Ikea.

He touched her breast. She closed her eyes. He put his penis inside her vagina. She clutched the sheets. He humped her harder. She had an orgasm. He had an orgasm. She sighed. He rolled off her and decided to just jerk off next time to get more bang for his buck.

What?

And then there is the current rapey sex culture liberally added into love stories which always makes me gnash my teeth.

If the heroine is screaming/whimpering/whispering/pleading “No.” all through the sex scene, and the hero continues anyway till she “submits” – It’s rape, not “hot sex.”

Oh and if her helplessness turns him on? Rapist! Because you know, rape is all about the control.

Don’t confuse that with consensual sex where she agrees to be helpless so he can play macho dick (and no, if the heroine is married to the hero it doesn’t mean she signed over her body to him to do with it as and when he pleases.)

Glorifying rape in romance stories is just pathetic. Glorifying rape in any form is pathetic, period.

Phew. I haven’t been up on that soapbox of mine for a while. Feels good.

So, back to sex scenes.

Oh wait! No.

Voices in my head again, so write I must (because they’re being polite now and saying please.)

Thank you for stopping by, and for being so patient (AND for reading all the above drabble). I plan to write more about this topic in the future, so may the gods help you poor things.

‘Desconocido’ update coming soon. I’ll try for today or tomorrow at the latest if possible.

Much love,

Anne

~*~

©Anne J. Dias – 2013

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39 Replies to “Sex”

  1. You’ve covered the gamut of poorly written sex scenes pretty well. Unless it serves a specific purpose and tells you something about the character, I’ve found that often there’s really no need to go into details at all. Often it’s necessary to describe a sex scene, and that reason is very rarely to show “intimacy”.

    There are much better ways to show that two characters are close than “HEY, HEY, HEY! LOOK EVERYBODY. THEIR BODIES BECOMING ONE, IT’S A METAPHOR FOR THEIR MINDS BECOMING ONE TOO. AREN’T I CLEVER. DO YOU GET IT? HEY! HEY! DID YOU GET IT?!!!” Sex has a role, but when a story becomes all about a sex scene or the build up to sex or a character’s primary goal is “Have sex.” and it isn’t intended to be comedic, it just falls flat. And I’ve found that the ones who revere sex the most tend to write it the worst because they hold it up as some sort of bizarre holy grail.

    Also this: Voices in my head again, so write I must (because they’re being polite now and saying please.). Either Z or E must be talking. Because we all know that A’s just sitting back with a smug smirk and an expression that says “Woman, you know this is where you’re going to end up. Why fight it?”

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  2. “(and no, if the heroine is married to the hero it doesn’t mean she signed over her body to him to do with it as and when he pleases.)”<—-THIS THIS THIS!!!

    omg. u have no idea how many stories I have read that include the wife having an inner monologue with herself explaining how she is now his wife and must submit her body (whether she wants to or not) and how she has to be a dutiful wife…

    In the back of my mind, as I'm reading this, I think "um…no you don't have to submit…your body is yours and yours alone"

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  3. While reading the first bit of this post, I had an image of you being taken away by people for being insane, only to have people hailing at your feet and agreeing with what you’re saying. You also had a crown on your head. (It’s barely 7 am).

    I’ve read a lot of romance novels in my teen years, and while then I was still “learning” about the “pleasures” of life, now it’s just putting a finger down my throat asking to- vomit-on-purpose. It’s not the sex I’m squeamish about, it’s how they are written. I cannot put emphasis on how much I hate sex scenes. They either break or make the story for me.
    I also find a lot of times when talking to people about how a particular scene was written in a book, they go all uncomfortable, which in return just becomes more uncomfortable, and I am left to my own thoughts.

    P.S. If you do make another post about this, can we send you a small (sure)list of what ticks us off during these scenes?

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  4. Oh heck Anne. And here I was thinking “Lucky broad! She actually has the time at 8 in the f…ing (pardon the pun) morning!”
    Talking of descriptive sex scenes, one of my favorites was “He slid into her like a hot knife sliding into butter” Huh? I remember laughing hysterically over this with my friends. Put us all off butter for the longest while.

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  5. Anne,

    The moment i saw the message in my inbox with Eight in the Morning-Sex I started laughing and then I just had to see what it was all about.
    And this

    He dipped his iron-shaft into her intoxicating honey-pot.

    Tony Stark meets Winnie the Pooh’s twin sister.

    The nectar of her core was as sweet as the juice of a grape.

    Oh purpley, purple prose! I’m betting she ate six bowls of grapes before he tasted her. Otherwise, she’d taste different. And when you say “core” I think “apples.”

    Had me laughing out loud.
    I have come across some really awful sex scenes while reading romance novels and I always end up skipping those lines or the paragraph.

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  6. Anne … am going hysterical laughing …
    but you are so right …
    very few writers know the art of writing a sex scene well …
    invariably making their readers feel nauseous …
    putting them off sex indefinitely … 😦

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  7. Lol….. it was hilarious but I knw wat u mean…& d examples are bang-on (no pun intended)
    I don’t mean to b a prude but I prefer reading subtle sex scenes-by it I m not reffering to two flowers kissing each other but no in-depth descriptions of how “his throbbing member touched the mouth of her virgin opening n pushed gently till it met the barrier which lay proof to her innocence n stilled himself before tearing open the ….blah..blah….detailed sex sessions just doesn’t do for me coz I got a highly imaginative brain n it s

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  8. That was very informative and interesting. The various styles used to write sex scenes.

    Realized that from the writer point of view it can be such a daunting task. Totally agree about the limited vocabulary and also being brought up in the societies where idea of anything physical is wrong and sinful (No explanations why population is exploding in our nations)

    “Every character is like a real person in my head, with real voices”
    Thankful to the voices in your head which may force you to give us an early updates of your stories.

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  9. stupid fone..posted my comment wen i wanted to edit it…
    anyway,too much moaning and pumping makes it seem far from romantic moment while reading it ..reminds me of bunnies & dogs during dat the mating season…
    i remember reading a whole chapter on the protagonists have sex,making love,quickies and more sex..it felt like reading about 2 horny teens(due respect to all the teens)instead of 2 mature highly successful individuals..passion it was supposed to be…cud have been if it had been written with more finesse ..but then I guess it works dat’s y it gets written…
    …shudn’t be too subtle dat it misses the eyes too..like in Star Plus serial(-watched only 1) dat I ddn’t know the consummation was done till i read about it on some forum..talk abt too less and too much …

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  10. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

    That was me laughing at “took her to the park”. God, Anne. You are too much!!

    I dont like writers who use sex to attract readers. Period. I can spot them within the first paragraph. This was my biggest issue with E L James. No soul in her stories. I couldn’t even get myself to finish reading her book.

    And its not just E L James, there are plenty of such writers known and unknown who indulge in sex to attract readers. No story to speak of, but a lot of unrealistic sex happening in the book. Yes, there IS something known as unrealistic sex too. You described it so well with the “mouthful of neck” and “taking her all night” part. I get it. That they are ‘fiction’. That fiction was not supposed to mirror reality. But how much of bullshit can a writer pass of as ‘fiction’?

    As always, brilliant write up Anne! Would it be ok for me to say that I enjoy these write ups more than the stories on this blog? There is something personal about these write ups. Very writer-reader friendly. 🙂

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  11. Dear anne,

    i was a bit taken by the title first. then thought of reading the few 1st lines. loved the rant. i had to read it till end and i agree a marriage is not an approval to have sex. it is more than that. sex is just a part of it with mutual desire, must happen naturally. cause when u love someone and care for the one, take responsibilities for that relation the physical desire comes easily.

    anyway, about the description of sex, i started laughing out loud, sorry. cause truly honey pot, iron shaft, drinking grapes, perky breast……lolz
    u r right. people do write descriptions of sex and people do read them too. a reader of young age, loving to explore it when cant do it literally gives them pleasure and writers getting popularity with a less hardship, well thats like any others right? but i have read wonderfully described sex too. its not about inserting and ejecting ( sorry for the lang) its about how you want to write it.

    dont write it if you dont want. just leave it to the readers to imagine or write what u think the characters are facing emotionally that moment. only when their sex scene is important to let others know or the happening is so important that the readers should know, write it. otherwise please spare the foods, juices, fruits, metals, cats, dogs and other adjectives from having a sinful image.

    happy writing 🙂

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  12. Oh God, your rambled are so freaking hilarious.
    Well, today’s ramble almost made me spill my coffee on myself, but I managed to keep a straight face despite of laughter bubbling out of me…and thank God I did that.

    You’re right, like the act of sex is an art itself, lol yeah I am being all dramatic here, you know that, writing about sex is no less than an art. Not the flowery poemy kind of art. But choosing the right words, and not making it feel like its come straight out of a 10 year olds view of sex. The examples you gave are just bang on. Not everybody can write passion and intimacy with the same flourish, and I am glad people try to. But the writers have to accept its not their cup of tea, rather than inserting cringe worthy words in the name of sex.

    But you have done great in that department, esp because the scenes you write are never just about the physical act, they go much much deeper than that. You involve the act so deeply with the emotions and the background surrounding it, that it pulls your readers into the scene so effortless that it feels real, we feel connected to the scene, as in visually and emotionally.

    And please tell your characters to take a chill, you rambling for your readers with such hilarious posts, is also equally important. They will have their fill, they obviously do because they are always in your head.

    🙂

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  13. Jeez woman, you do know how I am occupied my the thoughts of the “other” little vixen world you have created. I have my 10000th read and bam, see SEX, staring and mocking me here! A part of me was looking for a 8 am sex report, sorry I am guttery like that.

    Sex is either served as the caviar or as the pot noodles by authors, in general. You never get an author who will treat it for just what it truly is – SEX. Do you think some enjoy writing about it as this is the only way they can express their sexual independence, especially from nations of sub-continent. Suppressed desires. What shocks me is when they downplay sexual abuses. It is always passion when a lover manhandles and literally forces himself on the heroine. It is interpreted as manly, a mark of ownership, I just cannot fathom the impact it has on young girls who take this notion of romance and sex.

    Now for the different type of authors who use sex as a focal point.You have a shadey grey who will use it to sell her words, they are like cheesy item numbers which promise thrills and tantalizes the readers as a chance to live up their sexual fantasies . Lit porn thats what it is . No , scratch that its not even worthy of being bracketed under literature. TP it is. And another is the Pseudo intellect , there is this Ms Roy , who uses sex in the most crude manner and use it as an irrelevant analogy for propagating agendas which lack both facts and validity.

    I dont like when a cucumber becomes a foreplay or there is thrust inside some hole, please give me sex plot when you are sure about it, and when you are comfortable to understand the emotional state behind it. Just for the sake of satisfying some fangirls dont give me that wet shower scene.

    I long for words which bares not only the bodies but the leaves the unsaid emotions naked. Is it too much to ask ?

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  14. some people write sex scenes as if the readers are hungry for it

    ‘uve never failed writing with such elegance if i must say so

    i was laughing half way reading through what you wrote above

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  15. This is one very good rambling! I had a nice time!

    To accept how you feel especially about sex and what mistakes you made in writing before really needs courage! That too to these many people!!!

    Bravo Anne! I salute.!

    –Sivaranjani

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  16. Oh gosh this was hilarious. Anne I have this picture of you in my mind, wacky sense of humour and all that. And your author’s notes make me roll on the floor with stomach aches. I am sure you would be much wackier in real:D:D

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  17. 🙂 this was hilarious,i agree with it
    ,unnecessary details of any scene becomes boring and some of the words make me google them to see whether they are correctly used

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  18. Hilarious! 🙂 🙂 Such writing really makes you never ever read the story again, sometimes I just scroll through if they are done with it and find that it’s impossible for them to be done with it, it’s not the character’s libido but the limitations of the writer. What makes them write that way? Attraction, ignorance? Hmm…

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  19. hunger to read something by u made me look here n found it ghosh it was funny n true.

    No, I did not have sex at eight
    in the morning today. Get your
    minds out of the gutter.

    lol u r awesome

    And her ovaries flew out of her
    mouth.
    it almost made me laugh aloud it was so difficult to control.

    First he took her to the park,
    then he took her to a movie,
    after that he took her shopping.
    It was tiring.
    And brutal.

    hahaha Anne u really r too good. I mostly now skip the uncomfortable sex scenes coz it just disgust me to no end.

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  20. Depends what the sex scenes are used for … if they’re used for the same purpose, in the same quantity, and of the same character as songs in Indian movies, the fast forward button comes in very handy 😀

    And come now, don’t hate The Storm that much … it was a, once-in-a-lifetime piece of writing that had me smiling, and hooked on you, so as far as I’m concerned, it was fabulous …

    Ok, running away now before you invent a new method of torture … Love ya, Anne :p

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  21. After reading 50 Shades of Grey trilogy (Yeah, I admit that read that… that whatever it was) the one THING I have come to hate (besides the obvious Dominant and Submission rules):
    Two Words: OH MY!

    I swear I hear ANYONE say that in ANY context, I am cringing in pain…. pain that it has caused on my auditory, visual and all types of senses. SERIOUSLY. Those sex scenes were horrible. Firstly, like you mentioned GLORIFYING any type of “rapey sex”, is stupid.

    Your rant yet serious talk about SEX scenes is on POINT (pun intended) and the your explanation of what we essentially needs applause (cue in Lady Gaga’s Applause): “Humans are more inclined to hide behind silken veils than they dare to show themselves as mortals with needs”

    -Amina

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  22. i so agree with u on this anne. i have read a lot on the blog; it seems that they are at it like bunnies. how can make love throughout the night. when do they sleep. 🙂

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  23. I was almost prepared to leave a comment asking for HOW you managed to get some at eight – I am usually this close to jumping off the cliff at 8 in the morning!!

    Oh sex scenes are a delicacy alright and there arent many chefs who get it right. I think you did very well with the one in Mystic Skies where they do it for the first time (did I just reveal how long i’ve been following you girls for?)

    Writing sex scenes I can imagine is quite the challenge and I am almost sadistically waiting for the time when the author will either use an euphemism, or describe an asset in gory detail, resort to slang for genitalia, tumble from romance to instruction manual and might I say with barely concealed pleasure that it happens almost always.

    It brings me to wonder why there is any need to write them at all. After all, you don’t see people writing about other bodily functions – even eating. Hmmmmm…there’s a thought.

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  24. Haha! I’m not a writer so I’ve never had to deal with cringing at my own work but yes, as a book lover I’ve seen my fair share of awkward sex scenes. In one such scene I read, the boy impaled her with his sword and I just…smh.
    You can tell when the author is comfortable writing the scene, and the more confident the author is, the more comfortable I am reading the scene.

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  25. It was hilarious & unexpected to read such a dissection of sex scene writing. Especially the tongue-in-cheek on “he took her all night brutally!”

    Anne, you have commented like a reader, how do you tackle it as a writer? I haven’t read your stories fully to understand your way of depicting them.

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  26. Wow, what was that??? It was completely bang on…
    U took the bull by it s horns lol… I mean the way u described d cheesiness n inaptness of sex scenes in novels with ur witty comments below, i was laughing my head off while reading it…

    N the last part i agree to it completely… Thats d reason i hate mills n boon now, some of its stories r such crap that its difficult to digest them…

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